Sick

I have been laying here for 3 days sick, not being able to eat and continuously throwing up.

I get hot then cold. I think I have no one to look after me, I am really alone. The last time I went to the hospital, I had one of the people there, tell me that I am taking up space for people that matter.

I know that I don’t matter to the world, because I am invisible to it.

They just see a homeless person, someone they read about or something they pass on the streets, when they suddenly become interested in their phone.

When your dignity, pride and self-worth is stripped from you, more and more each day, it’s hard to get up every day and try to be someone.

At times I will even tell myself that I am nothing.

But I still pray and believe that God will fix it, if I don’t believe that I will have nothing to motivate me.

So I will continue to move forward and take what life has to offer today, because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

Maybe my break will be tomorrow. I really hope so.

I don’t want to become what I used to be. But those animal thoughts are coming more frequently every day. I beg God to just end my life before that happens. I had material things but I never had a peace in my heart. I am homeless but I know that I am not harming anyone, so now I will just be happy with the blessing of being able to sleep. And continue to hope that maybe tomorrow God will say it’s time that I help [LEON]. So for now I will remain invisible to the world and continue to be alone.

And remind myself that I am human and not a animal. Maybe tomorrow…..

image attribution

Photo by Gadiel Lazcano on Unsplash